Post-grad, month #2

I hate job hunting. You end up spending tons of time and energy and hope that at least a tiny percentage of it will pay off later. Meaning, you hope you get a phone call.

In my (desired) line of work, that means you hope you have established enough connections, know enough people, and have done good enough work for someone new to ask about you and if you're available for this shoot or that shoot.

I think I hate freelancing too. Oh dear.

I think I just want something more dependable, something regular. Therefore, I just now applied to a television studio for a production assistant position. Regular schedule, consistent pay, and experience in a wide spectrum of studio production positions. What's not to like?

I seriously hope they call me.

While you're in school, you're constantly working your butt off now for "later"--meaning everything you do is to help set you up for the future. Establishing connections, building a reel, perfecting a resume, etc. And you end up doing tons and tons and tons of work for free, because those connections, that reel, that resume, is supposed to be worth it...later.

I haven't reached my later. Aaaaaannnddd it's stressing me out.

Building a reel is good. Building a resume is good. Making connections is good. But we all have to eat.

School's over, folks. I'm declaring my pro bono days to be over, too. (With a few exceptions.)

Therefore, I'm going to start saying "no." Not because I don't have time, but because my time is actually worth something. I'm going to be more careful with it.

And I'm going to start charging to rent out my camera.

If we want to make cinema-television our profession, then we grads need to start respecting each other within that profession. When we do so much for each other for free, we're not doing each other any favors. Build a reel? Moot point. You build, develop and change your reel(s) throughout the course of your career. That doesn't mean you should work for free. If you want to be a professional, then insist on making a living. Be honest in what you charge, but charge.

I'm working on my last pro bono piece as we speak. It's a short documentary about a couple's love story and how God brought them together. They want to play it at their wedding in November. I love documentaries, but it's amazing how lack of financial incentive can actually kill creativity...I guess via the route of motivation. It's shameful.

I'm not mad at anyone except myself. I'm utterly frustrated with myself for not doing better with my time in school. I'm frustrated that I didn't take more risks, try harder roles, practice more, make more projects. I'm irritated that it took me forever to figure out what I actually liked about filmmaking, and therefore I didn't graduate with the strong reel I could have. I'm regretting having only spent two and half years on campus (where you actually do hands-on stuff) when I know that four would have put me in a drastically better place today.

Now I'm just trying to catch up. And trying to trust God when I have no idea how much or little effort to put in any one direction.