How to distress a teapot

I feel slightly guilty.

I'm sitting before my computer researching ways to destroy Mrs. Pots. And not just a let's-run-over-her-with-my-car-and-see-what-happens kind of destruction. It must look unplanned, accidental, unavoidable--the perfect crime.

I thought I had something when I planned to buy a pack of steel wool and just scratch her to death, but on closer inspection I discovered that her perfect porcelain skin was labeled extremely durable and I rejected that idea. Extra-rough sandpaper? Maybe. Chemicals? Too complicated. Throw her down the stairs? Humph. What good would that do?

Perhaps I can just kick her around the parking lot. She's bound to be scratched up at least a little! (excited shiver) Maybe even dented!

The internet is usually a wealth of information about topics like these, but this time it's really missing the mark. It seems like everyone online wants to fix the very problems I'm trying to cause; at least that's all the info I can find. I may have to conjure up my own methods of destruction. Gosh, and all because she's porcelain-coated and not just metal! Why does she have to be so difficult?!

The art department of the film industry is an odd and backwards buisness. We take items that are perfectly good and ruin them--on purpose. We stain cloth, make blood out of corn syrup and food coloring, rip clothes, bend metal, smash bricks, crack glass and make wood look like it's been through a war. Our cool cousin, the special effects department, blows things up. It's awesome.

In the art department we also have to know random facts, like exactly how long it takes a hot plate to get red-hot, or whether a 5-inch clay flower pot will crack or shatter when dropped from a height of 36 inches, or what kind of styrofoam looks most like metal when painted, or how much impact a mop handle can "handle" (haha) during a stunt fight. Almost everything we learn is through trial and error--either ours or someone else's. Experimenting is the fun (and expensive) part!

So these kinds of questions are things I'm going to be dealing with this week. I'm doing production design/props for a grad student's film this weekend. It's a smaller shoot, which is really nice, and the storyline sounds interesting and fairly simple for production design. Since we're nearing the end of the semester I couldn't have committed to anything bigger at the moment. I need to finish some of my own projects and have time to enjoy the last few weeks of this school year. I've been blessed to be able to work on more shoots this semester than ever before and I'm loving it! You know that you've earned a good reputation when people you don't known terribly well ask you to help out. Becoming known is so important in this industry, and school is supposed to be practice for the real world.

The director of the project for this weekend is a grad student who is working on her portfolio piece. I met her in January on a film shoot and worked with her briefly on an undergrad film last weekend. Her name is Mary, she's a fun and fabulous person, has a good reputation, is really easy to get along with, and I love her artistic vision. I had told myself last weekend that I was done with shoots for the semester, but when she asked me I was so honored I couldn't help but say yes--especially when I read her script. And the crew will be me and her and ten guys, and I figured that was a very nice ratio ;-) Just kidding, but it is funny!

Back to the task at hand.

Rust. Now that is a bigger issue than just scratches. How can I make Mrs. Pots' stainless steel handle have a touch of rust by next Thursday? I can't fake it with paint because they are actually going to use the prop on set and I'm afraid the paint will smoke and burn off. Come on, Google, give me something here...Sigh....All I can find is chemical methods. Fail, fail, fail. I don't have the time, money, location or knowledge to work with chemicals like that.

Well, parking lot it is. I'm going to run outside and drag Mrs. Pots around between parked cars for a while. If that doesn't work...uh...I don't know...I guess I'll figure it out later.

Butterflies and Bethany

Is an artist only someone who makes art, or can it also be someone who simply loves art and understands the language of art? I don't know.

I ask myself this because I love art in all its forms but I feel terribly presumptuous to call myself an artist although they say, being a film student, you can. Yet I can't deny that something artistic flows in my veins. It's a language. Art moves me, whether it be by an abstract photo, an artistic dance, a movie, a piece of music, or a book read around a fire. Even as a child I was always drawn to these things, but being at Regent and studying art has developed and increased my artistic side in incredible ways. I understand that part of me more than I used to, and it doesn't feel silly or unusual. When I was younger I didn't know what to do with it, but I now see it as a strength and am delighted to find that the world is full of people who "speak art" even more than I do.

I saw Regent's production of The Runner Stumbles twice over the past weekend, once because a friend gave me a free ticket and once because I volunteered to usher (in which case, you get to see the play for free!). Theater is fast becoming my second love, next to film. Not that I could ever be an actor--which I'm observing takes incredible discipline that the average audience probably doesn't realize--but I'm always amazed at how the imagination is engaged when you let yourself be immersed in a performed story. As simple as the stage appears, somehow it can be incredibly powerful; it can move you in a different way than film can.

As exciting as main stage productions are at Regent, I find I'm almost prefering studio theater and second stage productions. A small cast in a tiny room with black walls and a couple of props--these are my favorite plays because they live or die based solely on the talent of the performers.

One of the most moving dramas I've experienced I saw a year ago in the tiny, black-walled acting studio with four performers, two benches, and three large mirrors on wheels. The audience consisted of about 30 people who sat in chairs in a semi-circle while the actors moved in the middle, the mirrors placed specifically to allow the audience to see the performers faces no matter where they were sitting. It was an intimate theater experience. The play itself was a very dark musical called The Disorientation of Butterflies and was written exclusively by a couple of grad students. It dealt with the heavy themes of death and suicide, death personified by a beautiful woman in black who tried to keep the lead character, a troubled young girl, from obsessing with her and embracing her before her time. "Breath on skin...did you feel me then?" It was dark, troubling, and deeply haunting--yet redemptive and beautiful. The whole audience cried.

As a Christian, I find art to be one of the most powerful forms of communication that exists. For me, and in my experience, the source of art is something deeply and profoundly spiritual. God speaks to me a lot through art; I feel more sensitive to His voice when I've been impacted by a story or an image or a strain of music. Engaging with art is also a way I respond to Him. It's a communion--just the two of us.

Needless to say, I'm picky about art. Some things move me, other things don't. I have a lot of issues with the cookie-cutter, trying-so-hard-to-be-hip-we-forgot-to-be-real Christian music industry that I feel is made up of a lot people who can play instruments but don't really know to use them. Art is NOT something you find in most Christian albums today. Just because a song says "Jesus" somewhere in the lyrics doesn't make it good--or true or "real," for that matter--it doesn't mean they are saying anything worth saying. And most Christian musicians today have forgotten that lyrics are an artistic choice; you don't need them to communicate something. And when you do have them, they are only half of the song.

Excuse the rant...I'll save the rest of it for another post.

Needless to say, there are some real artists on Christian radio today. I'm constantly finding new ones who have something honest and true to say and know how to say it well. The David Crowder Band is one of them. So are Matt Brouwer, Andrew Peterson, JJ Heller, and others.

Bethany Dillon is one that has stood out to me in the past couple of weeks, mainly because I've been listening to her cds on my way to work every day. She is simple, transparent, honest and good with her words and also understands a thing or two about the power of a melody. Her guitar is her tool, not her slave; she works with it and not simply uses it. She is a craftsman, so her soul can't help but show through her work. And what we see there is a deeper look at God's grace, His sovereignty, and His reckless and unconditional love as she has experienced it.

Take the time to soak up the lyrics below, and if you can, find the song and actually listen to it; the music is just as powerful as the words, if not more so. In fact, grab the whole cd ("Imagination") and listen to it as you drive. I guarantee you'll grasp something different and more profound each time you work your way through it--if you're truly listening.

I follow all the rules

Or at least, I'm trying

Hoping when my days are through

You will be pleased

I've lived for the longest days

Thinking my heart was bad

Too scared to look in Your face

Oh, if only I had!

Is it alright

If I stay here all night

By the shoreline?

I cannot believe that You are angry or unjust

When You have done nothing

But have compassion on us

So be near when I've given up

Be near me

I'm just like everyone else

We are all hiding
Acting like I have the wealth

Of knowledge and peace

But all I've ever wanted

And what men have given their lives for

Is a God Who understands my weaknesses

A God Who I can love

Is it alright

If I stay here all night

By the shoreline?

I cannot believe that You are angry or unjust

When You have done nothing

But have compassion on us

So be near when I've given up

Be near me

I believe You are good and righteous

You've given me Your reckless love

So be near, be near me

Year of Intention

in-ten-tion [in-ten-shuh n]

-noun

1. an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result

2. the end or object intended; purpose.

I had always ignored the whole "New Year's resolutions" bandwagon. I felt like resolutions were almost a joke because people tend to give them up by the time February rolls around anyway. I'm going to lose weight this year! I'm going to go to the gym three times a week! I'm going to organize my house! I'm going to take up water aerobics! I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that!

Sure. Blah, blah, blah.

But there is something to making resolutions. We all see need for improvement in ourselves, see things we need to change in our lives, or are haunted by the dreams and goals we once had but never attained. A new year is like a new day: it offers the idea of a clean slate and the opportunity for a new perspective. Why not embrace it?

But people are flakey. They fail at their resolutions every year--sometimes within a few weeks, sometimes within a few days. Perhaps some people succeed, but you hear more about people who fail. Then when the next year rolls around they bring up the same resolutions and try again. And the year after that...and the year after that.

But why? Why do people start out so excited and lose steam so quickly?

Lack of focus.

How does one keep focus? By limiting focus to what really matters. One of the pastors at my church recently spoke on this topic with regards to King David. David had a stressful life, in my opinion! King Saul tried to kill him, his own son tried to usurp him, he fought a bajillion battles and faced numerous intimidating enemies. How did he survive? Not just physically, but spiritually and mentally? God Himself called David a man after God's heart. How did he remain a man of worship, a warrior of worship? What was the secret of his success?

David had focus, which he learned through discipline. His Psalm 27 contains one of the most powerful life statements ever recorded. David declares: "One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple."

That was his secret: singularity of focus and intent. To be in the presence of God was the purpose of his existence. Read the rest of the psalm. David's enemies couldn't defeat him; he sought the Lord for wisdom. He was not bound by fear of man; he experienced God. His own doubts couldn't hold him down; he chose to trust.

David wasn't some "superman-of-faith" but just an ordinary guy who knew how small he was and how big God is. He struggled, just like we do. He had doubts, fears, worries, anger issues, spiritual "dry" seasons, confusion--the whole bit. But he CHOSE, he PURPOSED, he INTENDED. It took discipline for David to abide in God, a discipline acquired over a lifetime.

I am humbled by David. I need to do as he did; I need to INTEND to abide in Christ, to PURPOSE to spend time listening to His voice, to CHOOSE to trust when things feel bleak. Only then does any clarity come...in His time, of course.

````````````````````````````````````````````````

"Who have I in Heaven but You, Jesus?

And what better could I hope to find down here on earth?

I could cross the most distant reaches

Of the world, but I'd just be wasting my time

'Cause I'm certain already, I'm sure I'd find

You're my One Thing...

And the pure in heart shall see God."

-Rich Mullins

2010

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

The picture above is not Virginia Beach, though it may as well be; Hampton Roads got DUMPED on over the Christmas holidays, which is a big deal in a place that usually gets just a dusting every year. But today is warm, so the snow is melting already!

It's SO PRETTY outside right now that I'm actually sitting with my window wide open so I can see, uninhibited, the sunshine sparkle on the crisp white blanket covering all of visible creation. I like to look at snow, I like to play in snow, but I'm not a fan of driving or working outside in it. As my boss put so elequently: you should go visit snow, then leave snow; snow should not visit you.

I think I agree.

********************

I realize it's been a whole month since I last wrote, and with the New Year approaching (in literally 15 hours) it seemed appropriate that I jot down SOMETHING at least. So here are a few thoughts:

1) I'm not done with 2010; it went by too fast. I wish I had a two more months of it. Life is picking up speed somehow. I've heard it does that as you get older. Someone once said that it's because when you're 5, a year is 1/5th of your life and when you're 50, it's 1/50th of your life. How's that for perspective?

2) Christmas break isn't long enough at Regent. We only get two weeks :-( My brain is not ready for another semester yet, but I am ready for all my friends to get back to campus. It's creepily quiet around here. And I've had enough alone time to last my introverted self for a month!

3) One of the biggest learning experiences I've had this past semester was my lighting class. We used photography to study light, shadows, depth, color, skin tones, gray scales, etc. Not only was it a fun class, but because of it I see my whole world differently...and I love it. Everyday things seem so much more fascinating because I appreciate them more and I am starting to see them through an artist's eye. My deepest desire right now is for a nice Nikon DSLR camera of my own: a D40 or something similar.

4) This year I have learned a lot--and am still learning a lot--about patience, making do, efficiency, and to prioritize better. It's amazing how many things there are to spend money on, and I'm not talking about whims and impulse buys! I'm talking about good and/or necessary things. So many times deciphering which is the good and which is the more necessary good is just a matter of priority.

5) I'm extremely thankful that I FINALLY found a home church here in VA. It's actually in Suffolk, which is about 40-45 minutes away, but, believe me, it's worth the drive! I knew from the moment I walked through the doors that it was where God wanted me to be. Perhaps I'll write more on that later.

I'm excited for the coming year and what it holds. I've applied for another part-time job with CBN, doing camera/lighting/tech stuff. I'm still waiting to hear back from HR. I need to do some more follow-up on that this next week.

I feel like this next year is going to set the course for me for the next several years. I have to decide if I'm going to stay on campus and take classes over the summer or if I just want to work full-time. If I just work, I'll have to find somewhere else to live and make it more permanent. In that case, I'll probably stick around here for several years after graduation. (Unless God wants me to move elsewhere, of course :-)

On top of school and work, all through January I'll be Props Master for a short film that we're shooting on weekends, so I'll be pretty busy! Now I just need to work on time management...

My life as...a puzzle box

I've come to a conclusion: life is challenging. You might be saying, "well, duh!" but I guarantee you will grasp this actually profound statement in new ways in the next few months. At least I have and I'm sure I will continue to. That's just how things go.

When you're under 11 being a grown-up sounds boring. I mean, they don't DO anything fun--just boring things like having a job or sitting around gabbing with other grown-ups over that disgusting drink called coffee.

When you're 12-15 you have this rosy-colored ideal of what being a grown-up is like: independence, accomplishment, looking fabulous all the time, having your own apartment without siblings bothering you, etc. You know, the stuff you see in the movies.

From 16-18 you have this creeping sense of concern, this hint of foreboding, that your glamorous ideals may be a little too high. But, still, you are hopeful. Stubbornly hopeful.

Around 19 you are ready to fly the nest for real (or have friends who already have, and thus are reliable sources of information) and you realize that there are some pretty icky parts to being an adult--like the occasional bill and keeping yourself fed and clothed.

Then when you actually try it for yourself....WOAH reality check! No, bills are not occasional; they are ever-present. Food is expensive. So are clothes. So is gas. It turns out your mother was right and sleep really is important. Your job dictates your schedule, life, your every breath. There are times you will have to choose between friends and homework and sleep (and, for the sake of your own sanity, it is actually ok to let friends win sometimes). You face huge, life-altering decisions more frequently than you ever thought you would. You are alone, you are surrounded by people. You wonder if you really are applying yourself to what you are studying in college. You wonder who you are becoming. You wonder if you are prepared for the life ahead. You wonder if you will have a place to live next semester. You wonder if people notice you wear the same shirts on a rotation because you can't afford a few new ones. You wonder why you ever felt like the whole "trust God for your daily bread" thing sounded adventurous. You wonder if you will fail and (gasp!) actually have to move back in with your parents.

Welcome to my present life! Ups and downs, blessings and bummers, good times and challenges, accomplishments and failures. I love being an adult and responsible for myself; I hate being an adult and responsible for myself. I love making all the decisions for myself and I hate that tight feeling in my chest when I realize how life-changing each one can potentially be.

But God is good, and that's the bottom line. I may mess up, but He can turn anything around for the good if I let Him.

"For I know the plans I have for you," He says, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). And while this particular promise was spoken to the Israelites whom He was calling back to repentance once again in the Old Testament, His purpose is still the same. He is the God of life, of restoration, of relationship. He does have specific plans for me and for you, too. And no matter how much life may stink sometimes, I have to remember that I can't see the big picture like He can. I can only take one itty bitty step at a time and trust that He is moving me in the direction I need to go. I have only to focus on being faithful TODAY and tomorrow will take care of itself.

One piece at a time...one section at a time...

I heart coffee...and filmmaking

I love my job. Seriously. So much so that I keep asking myself, So...why am I in school again? But I'm only half serious when I ask that question.

I've never ever in my whole life been excited about going to work--until now. Even a 5:30 a.m. shift time (which means my alarm goes off at 4:50 a.m.) doesn't kill my enthusiasm! Sometimes it smothers it a little, but once I walk through the glass doors and smell the rich, chocolatey scent of espresso I perk right up again.

I've discovered my current favorite drink: a 2-pump toffee crunch latte in our gloriously wide-mouthed "for here" mugs (as opposed to a cup with a lid) so you can see the pretty toppings. It's food for both body and soul.

Coffee shops have become my happy place as I've gotten older. I loved going to the Great Lakes Coffee and Chocolate Company in Sturgis, to hang out with friends or to study when I was doing classes online. Or to Only By Grace coffee shop in Shipshewana. Or the Electric Brew in Goshen. I love the cozy atmosphere of the little, one-of-a-kind shops with the fluffy couches and mismatched furniture. Cafe Moka is a little classier than that, but the atmosphere is still there.

I did not make this beautiful drink, buy maybe someday...
I can, however, make gorgeous foam to top lattes. :-)


This is my friend Ashley making me a micro-brewed cup of Ethiopian coffee--the best EVER! Who knew coffee itself could have a hint of cocoa and berry flavor?

I've had a crazy several weeks. Meetings, student film shoots, work, chiropractor appointments, etc. I've overcommitted this semester, but as a good friend told me last semester, "you'll do it once and then you'll never do it again!" I've often been on the go literally from the moment I hop out of bed in the morning until my head hits the pillow again at night. I'm behind in some of my homework, but surviving. Everything that HAS to be done is done so far, I still have some gas and food money (hallelujah! the chiropractor has not bled me dry just yet!) and I'm still sane.

I can't tell you how I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving break! I'm going to some close friends' house for dinner and I fully intend to shove homework completely from my mind and just relax. Hopefully I'll also be picking up a few extra hours at work over the holidays when a couple of the girls go home. I could sure use the money.

I guess this has been more of a so-this-is-what-Rachel-is-up-to post rather than a so-this-is-what's-been-on-my-mind post, but I hope you find it interesting anyway. Thanks for reading :-)

Countdown to midnight

Spring semester registration opens in...16 minutes. Then, for CTV students, the fighting begins. (just kidding, it's quite not that serious). For those of us who are closer to the end of our undergrad journey it's all the more important to make sure you get into the classes you need!

I'm feeling drained in every way possible. I have been or soon will have been on 5 film shoots in 3 weeks, I'm producing and editing my own project as well as doing production design for mine and one other project. I'm doing craft services this Saturday for a classmate's film. I naively signed up to host a prospective student overnight next week and I'm seriously thinking of trying to get out of it! I haven't had more than 6 hours of sleep at night in a week--sometimes no more than 5. And I won't be able to sleep in for quite a few days yet.

On a more positive note, I'm on a sugar fast which is probably the only reason I haven't gotten sick. But the blueberry muffins and scones at work are sure looking good by now!

So...5 minutes until registration opens. I feel like a zombie, so I'm sorry if this post isn't very interesting. 4 minutes left...

I think I'm going to go ahead and open the page and get ready to select my classes for this spring.