Please pray

I'm praying for inspiration. I need to come up with a working title for my senior project documentary so we can get fundraising moving on kickstarter.com.

The project is this: an investigation into the effects/results of the community development projects in El Callejon, focusing on the women (i.e. social work site, for those of you who are familiar with Students International). I want to feature a couple of the women in the community and tell their stories about how the women's center has affected their lives.

I need to come up with a catchy way to pitch the project--a phrase or a sentence or two.

And a title. Something interesting and short. I don't mind having something slightly vague because it'll give us a little freedom to see how the project develops in editing.

Any suggestions? Facebook me or call or text me if you have my number.

We need to complete this in just a couple days :/ Grr...this is tough. Please pray!

Meet the crew

It's begun. The wheels are turning. The clock is ticking. Plans are being laid, phone calls made, plane tickets bought, emails sent, budgets outlined, lists written, and I'm nervous.

My senior project is in motion!

I'm nervous because, although I know what I want to shoot (a documentary), where I want to shoot (El Callejon, in the Dominican Republic), and the people I want to include (Daisy, Kimberly and hopefully a woman from the community), I don't yet know what form this project will take or what my exact themes are. And I should know; I'm the director. My May 2012 graduation is riding on this 10-minute documentary piece.

But one thing of which I am very confident is my team. I'm blessed to know some pretty fantastic people through Regent, three of which I asked to join me on this project.

Meet Liz Ebert, producer/sound recorder:

Liz is from Virginia Beach, is a sophomore at Regent, and is a dear friend and confidant. She is also one of the best student film producers I know. We met for the first time this past semester and just clicked. I love her no-nonsense attitude, her dry sense of humor, her mad organizational skills, her serious work ethic, and her crazy ability to just get things done. Need a hard-to-get location? Call Liz. Need someone to keep a crew in line? Call Liz. Having a bad day and need to vent about it? Call Liz, but leave the boy-girl drama back in high school where it belongs. Yup, she's awesome :)

Meet Dan Jeter, director of photography/1st camera operator:

I met Jeter in class the fall of 2010 and only worked with him on a couple of small projects. However, I've seen some of his other work--and it's good! Jeter is a perfect addition to my team because he's not only a skilled filmmaker with a knack for storytelling and a fountain of creative visual ideas, but he's also fluent in Spanish, has a background in cross-cultural missions and has valuable experience in the documentary genre. He made a documentary for his own senior project last year, and it was one of ten projects selected to be shown in the Regent student film showcase. 

Meet Zach Yokum, 2nd camera operator/still photographer:

Zach is a junior at Regent and one of the most experienced cameramen in the undergrad department. I ended up working on camera teams with Zach on several projects this past semester and really liked his work. Zach has a valuable blend of technical know-how and artistic craft, as well as the ability to think on his feet and improvise--all of which are necessary when shooting a documentary because you can catch or miss crucial story elements in the blink of an eye. I knew if Zach was on my team I wouldn't have to worry about the picture, which gives me freedom as a director to focus on content.


So, the four of us will be flying down to the Dominican Republic mid-February to shoot my senior project in four days. Currently there are a lot of logistical kinks to be ironed out, meaning that Liz and I are a little stressed, but I'm truly excited to work with these people. I think the project is going to be a challenging, but good, experience for all of us.

She would laugh so hard if she knew I was writing a post about her.

Last night Breanna Lebsack and I took a break from our respective homework-related activities and jumped in my car for a spontaneous trip to Sandbridge beach, with the mandatory quick stop at Starbucks on the way.

(I only cheat on Moka on Sundays, when we're closed anyway. Don't judge.)

We talked about filmmaking and documentaries and boys and crushes and where we are in life and where we wished we were and about God and what He's been saying lately. We also decided that we were going to spend the next few years after graduation as the best female documentary team ever, trekking through third-world countries with nothing but backpacks and our Canon T3I cameras, making documentaries about...everything. (I'm sure our parents would be thrilled at the idea.)

Breanna is the passionate people-person, the visionary, the adventurous one, the spice in the Captain Morgan. She has a heart of pure gold. And she can paint, too.

She's going to be the Stateside eyes and ears of my senior project documentary next semester. I'm shooting in the Dominican Republic in mid-February and while I desperately wish I could take her with me, the budget only allows for a skeleton crew...as in 4 people, including myself. It really sucks. But she was so wonderfully gracious and selfless about the whole thing. "Do what's best for the story," she said. But she'll be there when we get back and I'm locked in the editing suite for days on end, and she'll let me know when my story isn't working, or when things would be better rearranged this way or that way, or to tie me to my chair when I'm ready to throw the computer (or myself) out the window.

You can't put a price on a friend like that.

Breanna, you're the best! I love you, girl!

This past weekend was simply crazy. But in a good way.

I was first assistant camera (1st AC) on a fellow classmate's senior project shoot. We shot almost 20 pages in four days, meaning four 12hr days plus 2hrs travel time each day. And I was working at Cafe Moka on Thursday and a little on Friday. And, yes, I nearly died.

The question that follows a schedule like that: did we shoot it WELL? I think so, for the most part. Some things changed so we had to change shots around and figure some things out on the fly, but hopefully it edits well. There was one scene where we were supposed to have sunlight coming through the doors but it got dark too quickly so it was practically night. I have no idea how they're going to fix that. But I'm sure they have a plan :)

Ultimately the shoot was a ton of fun. I loved my camera crew! We worked well together and had a great time in spite of stress. My camera operators were Tyler Johnson on camera A and Zach Yokum on camera B and steadicam. Ethan Johnson was my 2nd AC. They were fabulous, and some of the steadicam shots Zach pulled off were incredible! He even let me wear the rig for a bit after we wrapped for the day. It was the weirdest, bulkiest thing ever and weighed about 25 pounds. I'm going to practice and try to get certified for the steadicam before I graduate.

L to R: our lead actor, Dave Meadows; Tyler on camera; Kristen Mehaffey for wardrobe/makeup; Will Allen, our director; Zach wearing the steadicam rig; Jacob Briggs on sound.

We even had the fire department come one day to make it rain :) They shot water over the trees on the left.

Tyler showing Dave and our lead child actor, Jake, the last take. Digital filming is wonderful.

Jake and Kera, our female lead, in front of the 1940s truck we had on set.

Crew L to R: Jillian Sifuentes, our script supervisor; Zach on camera B; Ethan getting ready to slate; Shannah Phillips, our director of photography beside Tyler on camera A. 

Will Allen, our director, working with Jake. 

We shot at this estate in Smithfield, VA, called Windsor Castle. It's simply gorgeous! And apparently everyone else on the planet thinks so too. Our poor producer, Stephen, had to deal with two sets of photographers shooting engagement photos, some random neighbors twice walking on set to see what we were doing (and almost ruining some takes), and also a visit from the cops when another neighbor reported "suspicious activity." But we had our legal paperwork in order so everything worked out fine. There was even a wedding held on the grounds the weekend we shot, which caused some issues, but we worked around it like we had promised we would. Good people skills and common respect are a must in this line of work. They make everyone's lives easier. 

My favorite thing about the weekend, though, was just getting my hands on some great equipment and learning as much as I did. I really want to do a good job and have something to offer. And I want to be the kind of person that other people trust to help capture their visual idea and make it live and breathe. 

I am a filmmaker. 

I tell stories, as God gives me vision to see, hears to ear, and a heart to understand.

Mid-semester musings

I realize it's been several months since I've written. And now I don't know where to start. So much has been going on in my heart and mind since the beginning of this semester; there's no way I can capture it all in a post. Yet I feel I need the therapy of writing right now.

I recently watched the film called The Tree of Life. It left me utterly speechless. I nearly cried several times. It's the most beautiful and moving thing I've ever seen on screen. And that's a true statement. I'm not gushing.

The film is not really a movie; it's a visual poem. It's an experience. The dialogue is minimal, but incredible poignant. The images are more about the movement and feeling of what's on screen, not about composition. The editing is about essence, not about proper cuts, coverage or axis of action.

The story is about humanity and God, about the soul, about Grace vs. Nature. It's motivated by God's conversation with Job. In my opinion, it touches on the most profound questions the soul can ever ask.

I'm not going to say more, except that if you do watch it, there are three requirements:
1) Watch it on the biggest screen you can, in the darkest room you can, with surround sound. Remember, it's about the experience of the film. You can't afford to miss anything.
2) Either watch it by yourself or with people who don't talk during films. Absolute silence is imperative. I'm not kidding.
3) Watch it at least twice.

Then contact me on facebook and let me know what you think.

I spent this past week working on Regent's fall endowed film. It's the semester project that Regent pays for, and students work on it for a practicum credit. We had a fantastic crew! The whole experience was really great. You can check out crew videos and blogs about it on our website: L90regentendowedfilm.com.

I worked on the camera team with the awesome people pictured above (L to R: my close friend and fellow 2nd assistant camera, Heidi Allen; 1st assistant camera, Will Allen; director of photography, Shannah Phillips; camera operator, Ian Miller).

Shannah is the only other female DP I know at Regent, besides my aspiring self. There might be some in the grad program that I just haven't met yet. But I don't know any others in undergrad. It's such a boys' club haha!

Speaking of Shannah, she's also the DP for Will's senior project next weekend. I'm 1st AC for that one, and I'm REALLY excited to get more experience with the Panasonic AF100 cameras we used on the Fall film. And I'm trying to get on the camera crew for a grad shoot in mid-November that is also using the AF-100.

It's funny because at the start of the semester I had a list of experienced DPs I wanted to work with at some point this semester. I was hoping to gain some lighting and camera wisdom to apply to my own senior project in the spring. However, all but one of those connections fell through. But God has been offering me completely different opportunities instead, and I guess He knows what He's doing.

I was the DP for my good friend Jamie's 3-minute short called "Chains." It's a darker project about a girl's addiction to pornography. The piece involves a surreal dream sequence so we got to experiment with different lighting, but we didn't get to do everything we wanted because we ran out of time. I feel like this was the first time I got to push myself to be really creative. The footage doesn't look as nice as I thought it would and there are a million things I would do differently if I had the chance, but I'm still proud of us for what we tried to do and for the things that worked. And I did learn a heck of a lot! Hopefully Jamie can make up for my mistakes with gorgeous editing :-)

I carved my first jack-o-lantern last night! (I made a pretty vine, inspired by Martha Stewart.) The Moka family got together at the store (Sunday, so the store is closed) to watch football, eat food and carve pumpkins. It was fun. More pics on facebook.

By the way, Cafe Moka needs a new website...and I'm supposed to be working on it. I once thought web design would be fun to learn. Now I know better. It's too much detail work for me. Ick. I did find a nice template, though, so now I just need to get some pictures from our media person and start working on those coffee brewing instructional videos! Now that part will be fun! (And I'll get to practice my DP lighting skills again!) I want to do something cool. I need to sit down and think about it.

Home Sweet (Other) Home

I'm back in VA, back to work at the Cafe, back in my room, and just recently set foot on campus again for the first time in two months. In fact, I am at this very moment in the Regent Library. It feels good. Really good :-)

School doesn't start for another two weeks (thank You, God) so I have plenty of time to settle in and gear up for the year ahead of me.

Hmm. I've just discovered that if I hold my phone about sixteen inches to the left of me I get service here in the Mac corner. Cool. I had had it sitting on my right which must be why I haven't been receiving my text messages.

Am I ready for my last year (or technically half-year) of college? Yes and no. Ready to be done, but still feeling terribly unprepared. What's next? I don't know. I plan to be here next summer, working at the coffee shop and hopefully working on projects on the side. I need practice. And after that? Well I have a whole year to figure it out. My biggest concern at the moment is figuring out what to do for my senior project this coming Spring. Yikes.

Do I want to direct? Maybe, but I've only directed a couple of tiny cinematography class projects. DP? Love to, but do I know enough to do well? Edit? No! Produce? I could totally do that, but I'm not too interested in producing as a career.

And what to do? Narrative? Documentary? Music video? Probably not the latter.

Ah, decisions, decisions. The good news is I know a bunch of people also trying to figure out senior projects, so we will probably end up working together on each other's pieces. Yay for peer support!

Well, I'm trying to wrap up my dvd burning session here in the Library in half an hour or so. I'd better get back to work.

Soaking up His Presence

It's my personal retreat day :-) which means I'm spending this lovely Sunday morning with Jesus and a delectable cup of mocha. I call these my "soaking days" when I steep in music, Scripture and spend a lot of time processing, journaling and praying.

In the past few years, I've discovered that God speaks to me a lot through music, and to a slightly lesser extent, stories and visual images. There is a definite spiritual experience involved with taking in art; there are few things that can quiet my soul like good, truthful art.

I was listening to Caedmon's Call cd on the way up here to the coffeeshop this morning. It's an old cd and I've known these songs for years, but a song called "Close of Autumn" that I used to consistently skip over quietly captured my attention today. First the music: the rhythm and interplay of the instruments, each with its own voice--unique and simple but perfectly complementary. Then the lyrics began. They spoke what the music had already begun to say, completing a haunting and beautiful piece of musical craft. I'm not completely sure what this song means; I haven't mulled it over in my mind yet. But something about it stirred my spirit so I figured I needed to pay attention.

Here are the lyrics for you to soak up as well. Don't think too hard, just be receptive.

"When I'm cold and alone all I want is my freedom
A sudden gust of gravity
I stop wailing and kicking just to let this water cover me
Cover me
Only if I rest my arms, rest my mind you'll overcome me
And swell up around me
With my fighting so vain, with my vanity so fought
I'm rolling over

"Cause in just the same way the stream becomes swollen
Swollen with cold up over the ground
When my heart draws close to the close of autumn
Your love abounds

"All this time I've been thinking, wondering how would it be
To breathe in deep
Guess I need to be careful when I ask for a drink
Just might get what I ask for
And I know just what you'd say to me
That's why I don't ask you
What would I ask you
I'm like a bull-headed boy these days crying my toy is gone
You're shiny and new

"Cause in just the same way the stream becomes swollen
Swollen with cold up over the ground
When my heart draws close to the close of autumn
Your love abounds

"Guess I'll drop my anger here before I float away
And the chains around me

An awful lot of talking, I don't leave you much to say
You didn't ever leave me
And my greatest fear was you'd leave me here
A long time back my feet could touch the bottom."

How He Loves

The sermon at Grace was on Thomas today, but the Holy Spirit gave me a slightly different spin on some of the points. They hit home to me in a different way, I think.

A very brief summary of pastor’s notes and my own:

Thomas is commonly known as “doubting Thomas,” a definitely negative slant whenever his name is mentioned. But there was SO MUCH MORE to Thomas than his doubts.

Thomas (in the book of John) is mentioned 4 times: chapters 11, 14, 20 and 21. The first time demonstrates Thomas was a man of devotion. Jesus and his disciples had just left Bethany after the crowds tried to kill Jesus. Then in chapter 11, Lazarus had just died. Jesus said he would go back to Bethany to “wake Lazarus up” and devoted Thomas boldly declared that he would go with Him, even if it meant death. Thomas was the catalyst that convinced the other disciples to go. Obviously John thought it was important to mention him.

The second time is in John 14 where Thomas was the first disciple gutsy enough to admit he didn’t understand what Jesus was saying when He was talking about where he was “going to prepare a place for them.” This may perhaps be taking an interpretive liberty, but you get a sense that understanding was very important to Thomas, more than his own image.

The third time is the most famous instance: where Thomas says he won’t believe Jesus was alive unless he sees Him for himself. This isn’t a case of stubbornness or arrogance or weakness; Thomas was having a crisis of faith (as had the rest of the disciples before seeing Jesus). Thomas and the other disciples had had a certain understanding of who the Messiah was supposed to be and what He was supposed to do. Jesus spent his time with them preparing them to have a different vision, the true vision of God’s intents and purposes. But what He said and taught didn’t make sense until after the resurrection.

I feel for Thomas. I can identify with him in some ways; I sense the pain and defeat in his heart. His declaration of disbelief isn’t one of bitterness, stubbornness or arrogance. He is a broken man.

Someone else’s testimony couldn’t restore what Thomas had lost; his trust in Jesus was personal. He needed to see, he needed to touch, to experience. Jesus knew that and, out of His profound love for Thomas, pursued him. Christ returned a second time to the disciples specifically for Thomas. Thomas mattered to Him dearly.

If we think we are just cogs in the wheel of God’s kingdom, ever rolling forward, then we are mistaken. We’re not tools, not pawns, not purely vessels. He cares about each one of us individually. Our hearts matter to Him, our feelings, our trust—not to use us, but to fellowship with us. If we never did a thing for Him or His kingdom He would still pursue us relentlessly. He delights in us, He is passionate about each of us and desires relationship above all else.

“He is jealous for me.

He loves like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful You are

And how great Your affections are for me.

Oh how He loves us so

Oh how He loves us

How He loves us so!

We are His portion

He is our prize

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes

If grace is an ocean

We’re all sinking

And Heaven meets Earth with an unforeseen kiss

My heart turns violently inside of my chest

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets

When I think about

The way

He loves us

Oh how He loves us

Oh how He loves us

Oh how He loves us so!”

(“How He Loves,” David Crowder Band)

Think about it, soak it up.

Stop and listen for a while.

Stop and Listen

Post-grad is a scary phrase for many of us. The only ones who don't feel a little nervous twinge are those students who a) have had their goals and plans in mind since they were 4 years old (lucky), b) are sloths and don't care at all and whose parents made them go get an education, or c) are planning to go to grad school anyway, so they have no huge decisions to make yet.

The other group consists of students like me who have FINALLY figured out what they want to do but aren't sure about how to go about doing it. The

re are so many options out there it is overwhelming. And then the doubts come. Am I good enough? Did I learn enough, am I prepared? Where should I be looking? What if I fail? What if I can't find a job and have to--gasp!--move back in with my PARENTS??

And then there's that especially annoying little voice in your head that says you need to get your act together before you graduate and figure everything out so you don't WASTE TIME.

Hurry, hurry, hurry! Take another step, move forward! You'll never get anywhere if

you don't walk. God only gave you one life, you know. So, go, go, go!

Well, shut up, little voice. I'm sick of being stressed out because of you.

And the thing is, I'm not so stressed out anymore. God gave me a gentle shake yesterday when I came across a quote by Bethany Dillon about her album "Stop and Listen." It inspired the following:

I’m not called

To be anything

To do anything

To go anywhere

To say something

To know the next step

To better myself

To step out

To rise above

To accomplish

I am called to stop

And listen.

Wonderfully simplistic, and wonderfully true. So often we define our waking moments by "The Call" on our lives: Are we where God wants us to be? Are we doing what He's called us to do? Are we fulfilling our mission?

The truth is that God wants us to stop spinning around in circles and instead just sit at His feet. THIS is the real Call on our lives, every day. Just listen. Read His Word. Commune with Him. Fellowship with His Holy Spirit. And the physical result of this is that "The Call" will fall into place. We will hear what He needs us to hear, be where He wants us to be, do what He wants us to do.

Just stop, and listen.

R&R: Religion and Relationship

"Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach.

"It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, 'Who will ascend into heaven to get it and to proclaim it to us so that we may obey it?'

"Nor is it beyond the sea so that you have to ask, 'Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so that we may obey it?'

"No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so that you may obey it.

..."I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.

"For the LORD is your life..."

Deut. 30:11-20, TNIV

The fact that the God of Heaven is a relational God, the "God with us" (e.g., Matt. 1:23) is something we take for granted too often. Growing up in the church is a tremendous blessing, but can also be a burden. It's far too easy to become a part of the "church culture" rather than the kingdom culture Christ called us to.

My church, Open Door Church in Suffolk, VA, recently had a worship conference. I was unable to attend because I was back in Indiana, but I've been working my way through the recordings online. Chris DuPre was one of the speakers. While the messages were geared specifically toward worship leaders and in the context of worship and music, the underlying principles apply to everyone.

Some quotes, notes and comments on Chris' first message:

"Anything that replaces relationship becomes religious."

Awe, rejoicing, intimacy: all three are needed in worship and in relationship (and therefore, in the life of a true believer). Churches tend to emphasize one or two areas in their worship, but rarely do you find a balance of all three. What happens is people become comfortable with certain types of songs but not others because these are the songs that "resonate" with them. For example, some congregations may love the intimate "bridal" songs but couldn't worship with a dance song to save their lives.

When these three areas (awe, rejoicing, intimacy) are out of balance, what happens is their lives become devoid of whatever area is lacking. Then relationship is replaced by religion. For example, people may "become religious with their thanksgiving" or "they say words of awe but they don't have a relationship that has awe in it. There's never a bowing in their heart outside of the four walls of the church." Relationship has gone away but the need to express this aspect of worship remains. If I am lacking one of the aspects in my walk with God, I will try to fill that void in worship "with other people's songs." If there's nothing to draw from within myself, I will feed off of other people's fire.

Ouch.

When you lose the walking part of relationship, it has to be replaced by a system. For worship leaders that might mean choosing songs that we know people like, or for a pastor that might mean using certain terminology that has been effective. We "do what works. We become a little more 'professional' and a little less relational." You still do it, but the reason you do it changes.

Ouch again.

Here is a deep confession: I feel as though my walk with God is in constant danger of becoming religious. Constant danger. So often I tend to have this distance, this spiritual system that draws on the theoretical, the theological, the "church culture" stuff I grew up with. I know God because of everything I've studied and read and He does answer my prayers, but (thank God!!) it's just not enough anymore. I want more, more of Him. I want more relationship, I want to experience Him.

I need a breakthrough. Again.

And I may have had a little one this morning.

(More on that later...)

Tidbits

This post is just a random hodgepodge of things I've been doing this past semester and this past week. Expect randomness.

Below is a link to the first draft of the video Mrs. Pots co-starred in. Ok, actually she had only a small supporting role, but still...

I did most of the production design for this shoot and a couple of random extra things, like rigging the shoelaces to break on cue. I love the look of this piece! The crew was a bunch of really talented people. Mary Ahlman directed and edited, Tim Kay was director of photography. Jeff Fazakerly stars as Garrett.

http://vimeo.com/23118142

Below is a link to another project called "The Ratio" that I worked on this spring, but just as an extra. Part of it was filmed at Cafe Moka, the coffee shop where I work. I was the liaison for this location. This is just the trailer; the whole thing should be done by July.

Jordan Imhoff directed, Austin Burnett was DP, Derrick Collins edited. Malcolm Fitschen and Meg Lang star.

http://vimeo.com/21850278

Below is a link to a project on underage sex trafficking called "Alone." I was the 2nd assistant director for this shoot. Again, this is just the trailer, but the whole project should be finished sometime this summer.

Daniel McCullum directed, Austin Burnett was DP, Jamie Malone and Derrick Collins edited. Gabrielle Davison and Jeff Fazakerly star. (Fantastic actors, by the way!)

http://alone2011.com/

News update:

-I moved off-campus. It's nice to be in a real house, but I have to find some furniture on a shoestring budget before I can officially say I've settled and unpacked. A lot of my stuff is strewn all over my room still.

-Went to the Regent Student Film Showcase Tuesday night. SO AWESOME!!! None of the projects I was a part of actually made it to the final showcase roster (they could only show 10 out of the dozens and dozens submitted) but it was still fun.

-I'm in the process of unpacking, and it looks like I will be for a while because I don't have a ton of storage or furniture at present. I have a bed and a nightstand, which were in the room already, and today I just ordered a white corner desk from Overstock.com It should be here in a couple of weeks. I'm still looking for white bookshelves and a dresser, but I'm going to wait until the desk gets here. I heard somewhere that when it comes to decorating (and to dressing yourself!) you should pick one piece and build the rest of your decor (or outfit) around it. Haha, now if only I would consistently put that into practice! It would probably eliminate the hodgepodge feel of my room and wardrobe.

Decorating (and picking out an outfit) is supposed to be fun, and in theory it is. But I find that in practice, it's just stressful for me. How do I fix that? No idea, but I'll be working on it this summer, starting with refusing to feel guilty for spending any money on decorating my room. I'm discovering how important it is for me to feel like I have my own space to relax in. Atmosphere is significant. I'll consider any money spent on creating it an investment in my sanity.

Quick update

Super-quick update because I'm supposed to be working on a paper right now:

--Mrs. Pots aged beautifully: worn spots, dings and dents. I never did get her to rust, but I scratched up the metal handle pretty well and it looked marvellous. Sorry I don't have "before" and "after" shots to show you.

--I got a MacBook Pro! I feel like I'm finally a legitimate media/communications/film student. Now I have to somehow buy Microsoft Office ($120 which I don't have) for Macs and Final Cut Pro ($500-800!!! which I OBVIOUSLY don't have) before I can really use it like I planned to. Currently I'm still writing papers and stuff on my old dinosaur of a PC because I don't have Microsoft Word on my Mac yet. And as soon as I get Final Cut Pro I will be able to edit on my own computer and avoid going to the library to edit on the computers there. ....Praying, praying, praying!!!!

--I have one Spanish paper and one cinematography exam to do this week then I'm DONE with the semester! I have mixed feelings about that; I can't wait to finish and rest my brain but I'm terribly sad because the time we all finish classes is the time everyone leaves for the summer. Poop. :-(

--I'm also MOVING off-campus this week. Ashley, an awesomely fun co-worker of mine, and I are both renting rooms in a house not far from where we work. The couple who owns the house are good friends of ours, so I'm really looking forward to moving in.


Things you can pray for:

1) wisdom concering decisions/direction for the future. This is the season where I have to start making those big steps in one direction or another. Pray for doors to open as God chooses and to shut as God chooses, and also that I'll have the spiritual sensitivity to hear what He is saying and to follow His direction.

2) financial provision. This is a big and scary thing for me right now. I'm not starving and I still have clothes on my back, but let's just say I've experienced the "Jireh" aspect of God like never before! It's been awesome and scary and frustrating at times but I'm definitely learning to trust. I'm currently working part-time and can hopefully get enough hours to be full-time, but if not, I need a second part-time job. But a second job would also bring a ton of complications with schedule, transportation, limitations on my availability for film projects this summer, etc. I'm not sure what to do, and I need to be making some decisions fast. Pray for direction.

3) opportunities to improve my craft. The more I learn here, the more I realize I don't know anything. And that's pretty scary when you are close to being able to graduate and you feel like you don't yet have much to offer the industry in the form of skills/talents/abilities. It's very limiting and scary; I don't feel prepared at all. Afer this summer I'll have 4 classes left, which I could do in one semester, but one of the classes is only offered in the spring, so since I'll have to wait til spring 2012 to finish anyway, I thought I would just do 2 in the fall and 2 in the spring and give myself time to enjoy them. Pray that I learn a lot!


Thanks everyone, for reading and keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. Know that you are in mine as well.

"A spoonful of sugar..."

I am not a coffee addict. I am a Cafe Moka coffee addict. There is a difference--because not all coffees are created equal.

I like my coffee black and my espresso slightly sweet, just enough to take the edge off the smokiness. One of my favorite drinks is a small cafe caribbean latte with one packet of raw sugar instead of the usual three. The Sugar in the Raw adds just a hint of caramel-ly sweetness and lets the espresso flavors shine. It's WONDERFUL!

I love the days when I work at Cafe Moka because not only do I get to make fabulous coffee drinks and attempt to make latte art, but I get two drinks during my shift.

So yummy!

(btw I did NOT make the gorgeous rosetta in the pic above)

Currently I don't work on Wednesdays because I have three classes, so that means no coffee. By four in the afternoon I had a horrible headache, so I did what desperate, broke, baristas might possibly do: I made myself a cup of "crap coffee." (That's snobbish barista code for store-bought coffee. Yes, I'm afraid I am officially a coffee snob.)

The only coffee Nicole and I have in our room is leftover from catering a film shoot last fall. Yep, that's right, from fall 2010. The plastic container has been sitting on our counter for months. Eewww.

Store-bought coffee has almost twice the caffeine of high-end coffee because it is made of cheap robusta beans versus arabica beans. Read: I believe it's proper use is medicinal. SO...in the spirit of keeping myself awake and simultaneously destroying my headache, I prepared to force myself to gulp down two whole cups.

But this wasn't just black coffee...this was black crap coffee. Could I do it??? Could I get two cups down without destroying my tastebuds?

Creamer and sugar to the rescue! There's a reason the majority of the nation can't drink their coffee black. Like Mary Poppins said, "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down." It worked and my headache is fading at this very moment. Now I have a long night of Spanish ahead of me as I prepare for my presentation tomorrow. Eewww.

How to distress a teapot

I feel slightly guilty.

I'm sitting before my computer researching ways to destroy Mrs. Pots. And not just a let's-run-over-her-with-my-car-and-see-what-happens kind of destruction. It must look unplanned, accidental, unavoidable--the perfect crime.

I thought I had something when I planned to buy a pack of steel wool and just scratch her to death, but on closer inspection I discovered that her perfect porcelain skin was labeled extremely durable and I rejected that idea. Extra-rough sandpaper? Maybe. Chemicals? Too complicated. Throw her down the stairs? Humph. What good would that do?

Perhaps I can just kick her around the parking lot. She's bound to be scratched up at least a little! (excited shiver) Maybe even dented!

The internet is usually a wealth of information about topics like these, but this time it's really missing the mark. It seems like everyone online wants to fix the very problems I'm trying to cause; at least that's all the info I can find. I may have to conjure up my own methods of destruction. Gosh, and all because she's porcelain-coated and not just metal! Why does she have to be so difficult?!

The art department of the film industry is an odd and backwards buisness. We take items that are perfectly good and ruin them--on purpose. We stain cloth, make blood out of corn syrup and food coloring, rip clothes, bend metal, smash bricks, crack glass and make wood look like it's been through a war. Our cool cousin, the special effects department, blows things up. It's awesome.

In the art department we also have to know random facts, like exactly how long it takes a hot plate to get red-hot, or whether a 5-inch clay flower pot will crack or shatter when dropped from a height of 36 inches, or what kind of styrofoam looks most like metal when painted, or how much impact a mop handle can "handle" (haha) during a stunt fight. Almost everything we learn is through trial and error--either ours or someone else's. Experimenting is the fun (and expensive) part!

So these kinds of questions are things I'm going to be dealing with this week. I'm doing production design/props for a grad student's film this weekend. It's a smaller shoot, which is really nice, and the storyline sounds interesting and fairly simple for production design. Since we're nearing the end of the semester I couldn't have committed to anything bigger at the moment. I need to finish some of my own projects and have time to enjoy the last few weeks of this school year. I've been blessed to be able to work on more shoots this semester than ever before and I'm loving it! You know that you've earned a good reputation when people you don't known terribly well ask you to help out. Becoming known is so important in this industry, and school is supposed to be practice for the real world.

The director of the project for this weekend is a grad student who is working on her portfolio piece. I met her in January on a film shoot and worked with her briefly on an undergrad film last weekend. Her name is Mary, she's a fun and fabulous person, has a good reputation, is really easy to get along with, and I love her artistic vision. I had told myself last weekend that I was done with shoots for the semester, but when she asked me I was so honored I couldn't help but say yes--especially when I read her script. And the crew will be me and her and ten guys, and I figured that was a very nice ratio ;-) Just kidding, but it is funny!

Back to the task at hand.

Rust. Now that is a bigger issue than just scratches. How can I make Mrs. Pots' stainless steel handle have a touch of rust by next Thursday? I can't fake it with paint because they are actually going to use the prop on set and I'm afraid the paint will smoke and burn off. Come on, Google, give me something here...Sigh....All I can find is chemical methods. Fail, fail, fail. I don't have the time, money, location or knowledge to work with chemicals like that.

Well, parking lot it is. I'm going to run outside and drag Mrs. Pots around between parked cars for a while. If that doesn't work...uh...I don't know...I guess I'll figure it out later.

Butterflies and Bethany

Is an artist only someone who makes art, or can it also be someone who simply loves art and understands the language of art? I don't know.

I ask myself this because I love art in all its forms but I feel terribly presumptuous to call myself an artist although they say, being a film student, you can. Yet I can't deny that something artistic flows in my veins. It's a language. Art moves me, whether it be by an abstract photo, an artistic dance, a movie, a piece of music, or a book read around a fire. Even as a child I was always drawn to these things, but being at Regent and studying art has developed and increased my artistic side in incredible ways. I understand that part of me more than I used to, and it doesn't feel silly or unusual. When I was younger I didn't know what to do with it, but I now see it as a strength and am delighted to find that the world is full of people who "speak art" even more than I do.

I saw Regent's production of The Runner Stumbles twice over the past weekend, once because a friend gave me a free ticket and once because I volunteered to usher (in which case, you get to see the play for free!). Theater is fast becoming my second love, next to film. Not that I could ever be an actor--which I'm observing takes incredible discipline that the average audience probably doesn't realize--but I'm always amazed at how the imagination is engaged when you let yourself be immersed in a performed story. As simple as the stage appears, somehow it can be incredibly powerful; it can move you in a different way than film can.

As exciting as main stage productions are at Regent, I find I'm almost prefering studio theater and second stage productions. A small cast in a tiny room with black walls and a couple of props--these are my favorite plays because they live or die based solely on the talent of the performers.

One of the most moving dramas I've experienced I saw a year ago in the tiny, black-walled acting studio with four performers, two benches, and three large mirrors on wheels. The audience consisted of about 30 people who sat in chairs in a semi-circle while the actors moved in the middle, the mirrors placed specifically to allow the audience to see the performers faces no matter where they were sitting. It was an intimate theater experience. The play itself was a very dark musical called The Disorientation of Butterflies and was written exclusively by a couple of grad students. It dealt with the heavy themes of death and suicide, death personified by a beautiful woman in black who tried to keep the lead character, a troubled young girl, from obsessing with her and embracing her before her time. "Breath on skin...did you feel me then?" It was dark, troubling, and deeply haunting--yet redemptive and beautiful. The whole audience cried.

As a Christian, I find art to be one of the most powerful forms of communication that exists. For me, and in my experience, the source of art is something deeply and profoundly spiritual. God speaks to me a lot through art; I feel more sensitive to His voice when I've been impacted by a story or an image or a strain of music. Engaging with art is also a way I respond to Him. It's a communion--just the two of us.

Needless to say, I'm picky about art. Some things move me, other things don't. I have a lot of issues with the cookie-cutter, trying-so-hard-to-be-hip-we-forgot-to-be-real Christian music industry that I feel is made up of a lot people who can play instruments but don't really know to use them. Art is NOT something you find in most Christian albums today. Just because a song says "Jesus" somewhere in the lyrics doesn't make it good--or true or "real," for that matter--it doesn't mean they are saying anything worth saying. And most Christian musicians today have forgotten that lyrics are an artistic choice; you don't need them to communicate something. And when you do have them, they are only half of the song.

Excuse the rant...I'll save the rest of it for another post.

Needless to say, there are some real artists on Christian radio today. I'm constantly finding new ones who have something honest and true to say and know how to say it well. The David Crowder Band is one of them. So are Matt Brouwer, Andrew Peterson, JJ Heller, and others.

Bethany Dillon is one that has stood out to me in the past couple of weeks, mainly because I've been listening to her cds on my way to work every day. She is simple, transparent, honest and good with her words and also understands a thing or two about the power of a melody. Her guitar is her tool, not her slave; she works with it and not simply uses it. She is a craftsman, so her soul can't help but show through her work. And what we see there is a deeper look at God's grace, His sovereignty, and His reckless and unconditional love as she has experienced it.

Take the time to soak up the lyrics below, and if you can, find the song and actually listen to it; the music is just as powerful as the words, if not more so. In fact, grab the whole cd ("Imagination") and listen to it as you drive. I guarantee you'll grasp something different and more profound each time you work your way through it--if you're truly listening.

I follow all the rules

Or at least, I'm trying

Hoping when my days are through

You will be pleased

I've lived for the longest days

Thinking my heart was bad

Too scared to look in Your face

Oh, if only I had!

Is it alright

If I stay here all night

By the shoreline?

I cannot believe that You are angry or unjust

When You have done nothing

But have compassion on us

So be near when I've given up

Be near me

I'm just like everyone else

We are all hiding
Acting like I have the wealth

Of knowledge and peace

But all I've ever wanted

And what men have given their lives for

Is a God Who understands my weaknesses

A God Who I can love

Is it alright

If I stay here all night

By the shoreline?

I cannot believe that You are angry or unjust

When You have done nothing

But have compassion on us

So be near when I've given up

Be near me

I believe You are good and righteous

You've given me Your reckless love

So be near, be near me

Year of Intention

in-ten-tion [in-ten-shuh n]

-noun

1. an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result

2. the end or object intended; purpose.

I had always ignored the whole "New Year's resolutions" bandwagon. I felt like resolutions were almost a joke because people tend to give them up by the time February rolls around anyway. I'm going to lose weight this year! I'm going to go to the gym three times a week! I'm going to organize my house! I'm going to take up water aerobics! I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that!

Sure. Blah, blah, blah.

But there is something to making resolutions. We all see need for improvement in ourselves, see things we need to change in our lives, or are haunted by the dreams and goals we once had but never attained. A new year is like a new day: it offers the idea of a clean slate and the opportunity for a new perspective. Why not embrace it?

But people are flakey. They fail at their resolutions every year--sometimes within a few weeks, sometimes within a few days. Perhaps some people succeed, but you hear more about people who fail. Then when the next year rolls around they bring up the same resolutions and try again. And the year after that...and the year after that.

But why? Why do people start out so excited and lose steam so quickly?

Lack of focus.

How does one keep focus? By limiting focus to what really matters. One of the pastors at my church recently spoke on this topic with regards to King David. David had a stressful life, in my opinion! King Saul tried to kill him, his own son tried to usurp him, he fought a bajillion battles and faced numerous intimidating enemies. How did he survive? Not just physically, but spiritually and mentally? God Himself called David a man after God's heart. How did he remain a man of worship, a warrior of worship? What was the secret of his success?

David had focus, which he learned through discipline. His Psalm 27 contains one of the most powerful life statements ever recorded. David declares: "One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple."

That was his secret: singularity of focus and intent. To be in the presence of God was the purpose of his existence. Read the rest of the psalm. David's enemies couldn't defeat him; he sought the Lord for wisdom. He was not bound by fear of man; he experienced God. His own doubts couldn't hold him down; he chose to trust.

David wasn't some "superman-of-faith" but just an ordinary guy who knew how small he was and how big God is. He struggled, just like we do. He had doubts, fears, worries, anger issues, spiritual "dry" seasons, confusion--the whole bit. But he CHOSE, he PURPOSED, he INTENDED. It took discipline for David to abide in God, a discipline acquired over a lifetime.

I am humbled by David. I need to do as he did; I need to INTEND to abide in Christ, to PURPOSE to spend time listening to His voice, to CHOOSE to trust when things feel bleak. Only then does any clarity come...in His time, of course.

````````````````````````````````````````````````

"Who have I in Heaven but You, Jesus?

And what better could I hope to find down here on earth?

I could cross the most distant reaches

Of the world, but I'd just be wasting my time

'Cause I'm certain already, I'm sure I'd find

You're my One Thing...

And the pure in heart shall see God."

-Rich Mullins