My daily bread

I'm learning to live in the moment. And to let it be enough.

To enjoy God's presence in this present breath and just trust Him for the next one.

It's hard because we feel like if we can know the next step, if we can have some sort of a goal or sense of purpose, and if there's an end in mind...THEN we're ok. But what that really is is a sense of control.

Control is a deeply rooted desire in the heart of every human. I'm not immune; I feel it's pull.

Trust.

Everything comes back to trust. Everything. Even feelings of loneliness or aimlessness. We have to choose to trust with what we don't understand. We choose to trust that God is good, even when we can't see it and can't feel it, and we make this choice by faith because we acknowledge how finite and limited we are in ourselves. We can't see all ends--and thank God! I don't think we could handle it.

God gives us what we need, when we need it and not a second before. Because He knows better.

All of this is to say, I'm still waiting on God for many things. However, He's given me a quick glimpse at the light at the end of the tunnel. Or potential end of the tunnel, I should say, because when you reach the end of one, there's usually another one waiting. I say that with a smile. The trust walk is a beautiful thing when we stop fighting for control and just be receptive. I'm still working on that.

A few weeks ago, I got a phone call from a producer/tv host at a well-known Christian television station here in the area. She was looking for a production assistant for a few shoots coming up, and I was recommended by a former co-worker of mine. I immediately took the gig. Long story short: she and I work really well together and she loves me :) She's trying to get me a full-time position as an "assistant to the producer" which would involve a lot of fun, random jobs like script editing, talent coordinating, answering fan mail, working with camera guys and editors, and giving creative input on a series she's working on. But the current budget is really tight, so although the addition of an assistant position has been approved, it can't quite happen yet. I have to wait. January is the target, she says.

This job would be HUGE for me. It would give me a lot of experience in a lot of different areas of production, it would help me build a bigger network and make a lot of connections, and would enable me to be more settled financially. Not to mention that it would be really, really fun!

Right now I'm praying and waiting. I'm sort of "on call," meaning I go in once a week or so and help with whatever she needs. That is helping me out financially, too, but it would be nice to be full-time.

So...I'm waiting, praying, letting God open doors as He knows is best. And I'm focusing on being faithful where I'm at and working hard with whatever comes my way.

That's where I am. Post-grad life is rough sometimes, but it just takes time. And patience, prayer, and a letting go of control.

God is good. Always.